Thursday…because if you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it.

SINGLE COUNTY!!!

Since Valentine’s Day is around the corner I thought I would follow some traditions of fraternities, sororities, or the prostitutes that hang out by Joey’s apartment building: DATE AUCTION.

I know you’re probably asking yourself, “but how can these guys be single?”

Let me answer your question with another question, “did you see this picture?”

ANSWERED.

Anyways so today we are going to auction off a date with all the single members of Moon County. In preparation for this I went ahead and created a new gmail account. So whenever you want today just send your bid to singlecounty@gmail.com and I will update the site after each bid (hopefully).

*I can’t promise that these members will honor the bids or even listen to me.

LET’S BEGIN!

First up is Moon County member is Paul.

If you ladies like nerf guns then you’ll love…wait…like…wait…know what Paul has a lot of. Yeah. His child-like curiosity, although at times can be dangerous, promises to always keep you on your toes. Paul also comes with a lovable furball of a cat named Marvin. Also Paul has a working car now. So hey…yeah.

The bidding starts at two buttons.

Next up is Kyle.

Don’t be fooled by is boyish good looks, he’s more than just a pretty boy. He boasts the shriekiest voice in the County and is a lightning quick crackshot when it comes to insults. He also likes poneys. Give him free booze and he’s yours.

The bidding starts at $2 or a bottle of Newcastle.

Now we come to John Druska

Actor. Playwright. Poet. Caucasian….John is all these things. He also enjoys the hell of of some hockey and very effectionate towards Carl’s Jr. An evening with this gentleman will not be a quiet or forgettable one.

The bidding starts at $2 or one danger dog from the hot dog guy outside of bars.

Now we move on to Matt Loman.

…does it help if I tell you that he could write more about Batman than what he did during college? No? Crap. Ladies come on. That could be you in that gigantic Sleepover Club © tee-shirt, exhausted from an evening of passion, cooking eggs the next morning for Matt. Actually, no. He would be making the eggs for YOU cuz that’s what kind of gentleman he is. Also his room doesn’t have a door so that’s easy access. He boasts that he has ninja reflexses but just tickle him to shut down his defenses.

The bidding starts at 2000 yen.

Next up is Joe Rogan

Actually that picture isn’t that bad.

THERE WE GO!

I’m actually not sure if Joe is single….or if he’s alive for that matter. I haven’t seen him in a while. But hey, ladies…short funny guy….he plays soccer…he’s in good shape….lives in a kickass house in the hills… If you won’t bid for him I will. Mrrp.

The bidding starts at $2 or 200 cents.

And finally me, Nick.

Having been described as having “the endurance of an ox” or “magic fingers” or “magic arms” or “no sense of shame” you can’t afford NOT to bid on me. (right?) So what if I’m color-blind, have stains on all my clothes, and haven’t worn matching socks in months. I like short walks on the beach because I get tired easy. I’ll often bust out my own rendition of Beyonce or Avril songs and if you’re lucky I’ll do one for you.

The bidding starts at $4 because let’s face it…I’m worth it.

Okay. the auction is now in full swing until…oh let’s say Friday night. Email your bids to singlecounty@gmail.com

Happy Singles Awareness weekend.

~Nick the handsome.

______________________________________________________

UPDATE 11:32 am PST —Kyle said he would honor the bids.

Also $5 has been bid on Nick. and no…it is not someone related to him.

UPDATE 2:38 pm PST —3 buttons for Paul.

Come on people. Don’t make us cry.

UPDATE 5:09 pm PST —2 Newcastles for Kyle and 3 bucks for Matt

UPDATE 9:05 pm PST—All the Hot Dogs John wants, someone felt sorry for you based on your pic.  (this one might have to be collected in May).

UPDATE 9:14 pm PST — Matt, for Sonic #35.  That’s at least 3000 yen.  Sorry Chad.  I’m still gonna have to go with $5 is more than your precious cans.

UPDATE 10:31 am Friday PST — Everything’s the same.  Worst. Auction. Ever.

I mean…things are going swimmingly.

UPDATE 11:59 am Friday PST — Two Danger Dogs for Druska.

UPDATE 5:05 pm Friday PST — I had a panini for lunch.

also…I’m calling this bidding over at Midnight tonight.  So only a couple hours left in this miserable excuse for a date auction.

UPDATE MIDNIGHT, IT’S FINALLY OVER!

So here’s the result:

Paul has been sold for a “Set of plastic binders and pencil case for his new job. Roughly 5 dollars. Let me know what color binders you want. I’m thinking black is business dressy.”

Kyle, I think is mine for two Newcastles but there might be some disputed claims via facebook.

John has been sold for TWO count em TWO danger dogs.

Matt’s sold for Sonic The Hedgehog comic #35.

Joe, I think has passed on from this life.

And Nick has been claimed for $5, Sorry Chad, I’ll be honest…I ignored your bids (for me), maybe you would have had a shot if you kept your beard.

So there you have it…the saddest date auction of the century.  Be sure to tune in next week when we try to raise a WHOLE DOLLAR for Haiti.

*don’t expect us to put out

**j/k  we’ll totally put out

***unless that’s not what you want to do.

****but if you did…

*****it would be like amazing like woah

Snoogenz.

~nick

btw.  everytime I posted “UPDATE” i thought of this: