Failed New Year’s Resolutions

I thought, for the first Moon County post of 2010, it’s only fitting that upon facing this New Year filled with fresh possibilities, I will dwell on past failures.

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*eventually accomplished, but not in that particular year

1988 – I vow to transform into a giant red truck. 

1989 – I vow to transform in to a yellow Volkswagon and slowly work my way up to a giant red truck.

1990 – I am resolved to become a really good ninja.

1991 – I vow to break a board using only my face.* note: not on purpose.

1992 – I swear to stay away from all icky girls.

1993 – I will do better in math.

1994 – I swear that my inability to do math will stop bothering me.*

1995 – I vow to get to know more icky girls.  I will also stop referring to them as icky.*

1996 – I will not be lit on fire.  Again.

1997 – I will find a hairstyle that isn’t just spiking it straight up.

1998 – I will be the raddest fucking dude in high school.

1999 – I will relearn how to write in cursive. 

2000 - I will not erupt into fear-induced sobbing every time I try and make a left turn at an intersection without an arrow.*

2001 – I will stay punk rock until I die.

2002 – I will finally have sex.*

2003 – I will finally have sex.*

2004 – I will finally have sex with someone who is sober.*

2005 – I will write a skit that doesn’t involve murder, the word “fag,” or a resolution that isn’t “this isn’t a __________ it’s a ______________!”*

2006 – I will graduate from college and find a kick-ass job.

2007 – I will at find a job that at least requires me to use my degree.

2008 – I will find my degree.  Possibly frame it.

2009 – This time I will, finally, become a really good ninja.

2010 – I am Batman.  Batman doesn’t make resolutions.  He gets results.

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Welcome to Twenty Ten.

Matt