December 23, 2010

Happy Holidays from Moon County!!!

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November 3, 2010

What Happens When I Search Single Letters into my URL

I couldn’t let this much minimal research pass by without sharing it some sort of forum.

You’re welcome.

A, J, K, L - Wikipedia entry on that letter.

B, C, D, I, S, T, W X, Y, Z- The google search results for that.

E- EOnline.

F- Yahoo Finance page on the Ford Motor Company.

G - My gmail

H - The Wikipedia entry for Hydrogen.

N - An AddictingGame.com game called N

R- The R Project for Statistical Computing You play a super ninja with a thirst for gold.

U - UCLA Homepage

V - ABC homepage for the TV show V

-Paul

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August 5, 2010

Thursday…because it’s been too long.

As this summer draws closer to an end, the box office is going to go out with a bang. And I for one, am damn excited. There’s one flick that paramounts above all others in the level of oozing anticipation that I have. Inception?

BWAAAAUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM

No. I already saw that. It was great and a mind blow like woah. Scott Pilgrim VS The World?

comic book movies rule

However excited I am to see this, you are wrong. And the flick I’m talking about doesn’t have a wiener kid in it. So you might make the assumption that it’s the most masculine film blasting it’s way to the big screen, The Expendables?

ALL OF US ARE EXPENDABUUURRRRRRR

You would be mistaken. I will watch the hell out of the Expendables for fear of half the cast breaking into my house and slitting my throat with a used shotgun shell. I’ll give you a hint….it’s in 3D. (well….I guess most films now are faux 3D but 3D is in the title).

Piranha 3D?

NOM NOM NOM

Fisha please. I’m talking about STEP UP 3D.   

That’s right.  It’s the dancinest, flyest, most hip-hoppity-est flick of the summer.  Okay…well it might have a wiener kid in it…but he’s a DJ (I’m assuming).  Wiggity wrap your head around that.  

I’m so stoked for this movie that I went out and got a whole new outfit.  It’s my street look.  Being a white man, I can only assume that “street” look is baggy jeans, a backwards bandanna, and a wife-beater underneath a kevlar vest.  

For all you haters that think this is like every other dance movie, two words…Masquerade Ball.  That’s right.  They take their dancing skillz outside the dance battle arena, off the streets and into high society.  (High Society has masquerade balls right?)  I hope they rattle a few cages.  

This trailer boasts that one move can set a whole generation free.  I don’t know about you but I want to see that move.  My fly ass will be in the theater.  

Plus it’s in 3D!  ”Avatar” listen up, you were great and I enjoyed you…but you could’ve utilized the 3D medium better.  I needed 300% more pop-n-locking and more back flips flying towards my face.  This movie also has Sharni Vinson.  Don’t know who that is?  Scroll up, watch the trailer.  That fly honey dancing in sweat shirt…that’s her.  I’ll not convince you with words any more, instead I’ll just let her dancing do the talking.  After all, “everything you need to know is in [her] dancing”.  Also apparently Ashton Kutcher is in it.  (check trailer around 1:38).  

I’m only regretting that I didn’t combine my gymnastics training with dancing.  If I had then I could’ve been a player in the world’s most noble art of dance battling.  It’s like locking up a bunch of parkourers into a sealed room, blasting music, and telling them it is going to blow up in 2 minutes.  

Plus I can’t get enough of the one guy that dances with his head real still and his body moving.  As seen in this trailer (edited by my buddy Thom) about a future where dance battling is illegal for some reason and some people have a power called Ener-G. 

Aight.  That’s all.  See ya b-boys and b-girls.  

~Nick

*I seriously started writing this blog to make fun of the movie but as I kept watching the trailer more and more I would like to see it…well…only the dance parts.  And it’ll probably be better 3D than all the movies doing faux 3D by adding it in post just so they can raise ticket price $5.  

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June 9, 2010

SECOND ROUND TONIGHT! MOON COUNTY IN THE LA IMPROV FESTIVAL

                             

Hey Folks,

Thanks so much to everyone who came out to support us on Monday! Thanks to our victory, we are now competing tonight at the LA Improv Festival’s sketch semi-finals!  If you came from a Big Ten school, you know what that means. We win this, we go on the the finals. The Super Bowl. Awesome.

So if you can make it tonight, please do! Tickets are selling out quickly, but if you want to go, please contact one of us Moon County folks or email us at mooncounty@gmail.com and we’ll get you in. We promise.

This is gonna be big.

-A

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June 7, 2010

MOON COUNTY AT THE LA IMPROV FESTIVAL TONIGHT!

That’s right, citizens.  Tonight marks our second annual performance in the Los Angeles Improv Festival! Come on out to see your favorite sketch weasels clamp their tiny barbed comedy jaws onto your funny bone, tearing laugh after laugh out of you like so much flesh and tendon… of hilarity!

We’ll be competing in a 20 minute set against another iO staple, Top Story! Weekly, so it should be a hell of a match. Come on out, and buy tickets here!

-A

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May 20, 2010

MOON COUNTY LIVE! THIS SUNDAY! EXCLAMATION!

Not actually our second ever show. I didn’t have Photoshop.

Hey Folks! Come check out our half-hour live sketch show this Sunday, May 23rd at 8:00PM at the iOWest Theater in Hollywood! It should be a laugh-and-a-half! *Please note: half-laughs are not considered true laughs, and cannot be guaranteed.*

We’ll be performing alongside our longtime buddies and fellow sketch comedians The Gingerman, so if you’re sick of looking at our ugly mugs, at least you can stare at theirs for a while. So come on down and get yourself a barrel of chuckles! *Note: chuckle barrel may contain traces of mercury and cadmium contaminants.*

Also, we’re aware that Sunday is the night of the LOST finale. So what. Use your DVR. That way you can fast forward through the commercials! Also, the island is a spaceship in an alien zoo. There. I said it.

See you there!

-Aaron W.

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March 25, 2010

Thursday…Because You Shouldn’t Be Messing With Sexting

Unless you’ve been under a rock for the last 5 months with rocks stuck in your ears while you were eating rocks and…pooping rocks while uploading pictures of rocks onto your facebook page without looking at anything else on facebook or the internet in general besides rocks….you would know about Tiger Woods’ adulterous affair. 

oh yeah...this fist is going up there.

But recently his “sexts” messages have been made public.  “Sexts” being the ultra-hyped term that the media use to describe what teens are doing in your high school because everyone just looooooooooooves watching that on the fucking local news. 

Anyways if you haven’t seen them here a few “choice” ones for your viewing pleasure (and these are REAL):

Tiger:Sent: 04:02 PM
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

and…

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own
Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM
Where do you want to be bitten

and…

Tiger:Sent: 06:34 AM
In ohio playing

…needless to say…the man is one sick* golfer….and one sicker* fuck. 

*wordplay in vernacular is fun

I know every is reading those and criticizing him and giving him a hard time.  But what I think you should understand is that he texts everyone like that, not just his mistresses.  Observe these other text messages I uncovered:

**************

Shelly:
I’m sorry, we’re updating our records for Reader’s Digest subscriptions.  What’s your current address?
Tiger:
7
Shelly:
7….?
Tiger:
Yeah…maybe 8
Shelly:
What’s that?
Tiger:
That’s how many fingers I can fit.

Jacob:
Did you get a load of Johnson’s TPS Reports?
Tiger:
Who is this?
Jacob:
Oh Sorry…wrong number.
Tiger:
You sound hot…
Jacob:
what?
Tiger:
Hang on gotta empty sum cans. can u txt me like a shitton of times in a row as i do whipits with the phone in my pants?

Colin Montgomerie:
can i borrow some of ur balls 4 tomorrows tourny?
Tiger:
only if u massage them while yelling a chinese homily thru a megaphone directly into my ears
Colin Montgomerie:
grow up
Tiger:
hahah my last name is Woods.  LOLZ

BNT Marketing:
If u can spare a few minutes would u complete a short survey?
Tiger:
Im gonna fuckin kill you…
BNT Marketing:
We get that all the time. 
Tiger:
…and get off by doing it.


AT&T:
Are you satisfied with your current wireless plan?

Tiger:
Not yet.  theres not one drop of tiger juice in my pants.  BONE dry.

AT&T:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.

Tiger:
Please make ur phones have stronger batteries so they don’t puss out so early when i wanna zap my nips. 
AT&T:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.

Tiger:
ah fuck it.  i’m a millionaire, i can afford a fuckton of phones….i’ll have cell phones out the ass.
AT&T:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.

Tiger:
…wait…that sounds like an idea.
AT&T:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.

Tiger:
Do u think that the more bars you have the harder u orgasm?

AT&T:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.

Tiger:
ur endurance is turnin me on.  ima reply to u like the dirrty fucking whore u r.

AT&T:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.

Tiger:
ah fuck it.  ima go holla at bitches at the zoo…see if they wanna shave my ass

AT&T:
….sir please stop.

90999:
Text “HAITI” to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts.
Tiger:
when u a balla like me theres no effort to gettin my relief…..relief all over ur taitties.  Now shut up and put on this mask while i unlock my box of nightmares and take u from behind

Verizon:
Are you satisfied with your current wireless plan?
Tiger:
OH MY GOD HAVE I GOT A COCK FOR YOU
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
Tiger:
YOU’RE JUST ASKING FOR IT YOU DIRTY LIL TEXTMARKETER
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
Tiger:
You’re starting to sound like that AT&T fag.
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
Tiger:
Maybe you two should get a room.
Tiger:
Maybe us three should get a room…
Tiger:
…and fill it with KY Jelly.
Tiger:
Could both of u bring those maps that u have in the commercials…the ones where the pins fall off.
Tiger:
only we could replace those with mouse traps and let em rain down on us as we have mad caddyshack sex?
Tiger:
Fuck that. Tiger dont ask.  Tiger demands that you replace those with mouse traps and demands they rain down on us as we have mad caddyshack sex.
Tiger:
….ur awfully quiet.
Tiger:
…is that because in my mind im tea bagging ur mouth?
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
Verizon:
This is a “non-reply to” number.  Please visit our website for further inquiries.
(get it…cuz this is how Verizon works)

Crazy Tonys Pizza: (actually call, phone rings)
Tiger (answers):  “This is Tiger Woods, speaking”
Crazy Tonys Pizza:  "Yes.  Mr. Woods.  I have your pizza here, could you please open the gate?"
Tiger:Actually, could you please give me that message in a text message, young man?”
Crazy Tonys Pizza:  “Umm…”
Tiger:  “I just feel more comfortable that way.”
Crazy Tonys Pizza:  “Sure thing.  Good bye”

(hangs phone up)

Crazy Tonys Pizza:
Mr. Woods, your pizza is at the gate.
Tiger:
Is that code for wanting my sweet meat sauce u filthy fucking slut of a bitch?
Crazy Tonys Pizza:
Mr. Woods?
Tiger: 
Enter if you dare or shall I enter you?
Crazy Tonys Pizza:
I’m just going to leave the pizza right here.
Tiger:
WAIT!
Crazy Tonys Pizza: 
……yes, Mr. Woods?
Tiger:
………

……..

………i want you to shit in a boot and then beat me with it. 

***************

That’s it for now.  I apologize if that’s too dirty for you.  I’m in kind of a weird place right now.  I’ve been working 16+ hour days and running on a grand total of 8 hours of sleep total for this week and it’s been a while since I’ve killed a hooker, experienced physical love, taken a shower.  Happy Thursday. 

~Goat

sorry mom and dad.

Back to Moon County Page

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March 2, 2010

This song and the short are awesome. “Put your snow legs behind your head…”

philmclaughlin:

If you like inappropriate parodies about making love to a snow woman, this song is for you.

destructobox:

Check out the full version of Alex Clark’s Your Body is a [Winter] Wonderland, written and recorded for the newest Destructo Box video Snow Plowin’.

It’s everything John Mayer meant to say, only couldn’t because of his inferiority to Alex Clark!

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February 27, 2010

Kevin Smith, please help me.

THREE TRUTHS OF JOHN DRUSKA

I’m a bit of a complicated jerk. I say one thing and do the other. I’m extremely selfish. I want kids someday, but not mine, I want yours. To touch. Inappropriately. ????

But there are three things you must know about me. Three truths that hopefully will be accompanied someday by better, more meaningful facts. But for now, if you’re my friend or relative, or bumped into me at a bar and had me talk your ear off about nothing (I’m looking at you, random Saints fan that I met during week 8), you’ve probably gathered this much about me. And if not, well, that’s why you’re still reading, no?

#1: I love acting.

L-R: Plunger, actor, plastic top hat.

To spare you the obnoxious details, I’ll keep this brief. In 8th grade I did teacher impressions for the school talent show. I did Mr. Kwit, an old school softball teammate of my dad (the “Amazing Ants” was the team name, back in the 70’s (what losers, right?!?!)) and gym teacher, Mr. Morella (R.I.P.), my 7th grade homeroom and math teacher, Mr. Mikulecky (sp?), a social studies teacher and Vietnam Vet, and my 8th grade homeroom and Science teacher Scott Demos (he had big forearms.) The laughs I got (if I can give a little credit) and the thrill of entertaining electrified me, and coupled with a trip to Southern Californian that summer, I was convinced that acting and entertainment were my destiny, my goal, the one thing I was better than most at doing.

I did plays in high school and got involved in the best (it was voted and verified) sketch comedy group in college. I fulfilled my boast of moving to Hollywood after college graduation, and since the fall of aught seven, I’ve been paid here and there to act in commercials and internet segments. I guess you could say, I’m an actor. I love it. It’s the one thing in my life I am unabashedly proud of and cocky about.

#2: HOCKEY

I LOVE baseball. I wear with outlandish pride the stadiums I’ve been in. I’ve caught a foul ball at a minor and major league game. When I see the Almighty Chicago White Sox play in an away venue, I am the most vocal and annoying fan imaginable. This often earns me more baseballs, tossed from the hands of All Star pitchers (usually John Danks). I love the smell of grass and hotdogs and cigarettes and capitalism as I stroll into a ballpark. My entire mood and life outlook change when I go to see a baseball game live. However, this freakish obsession with America’s pastime is eclipsed when the glorious game of hockey crosses my consciousness. One of my fondest memories ever was my first and only hockey game in the Old Chicago Stadium; Blackhawks/Bruins in the spring of ’93. 18 seconds in, there was a fight. The Hawks won 4-0. My dad, sister and I had standing room. Good Christ, there are few experiences that can match that.

They played an NFL game in there, too.

You’ve noticed lately EVERYONE talking about Olympic hockey. Perhaps you’ve even seen some of the games. It was a pretty big deal when the U.S. trumped Canada last weekend. People in Canada freaked the fuck out because, justifiably, most folks in the U.S. don’t give a shit about hockey, so why would the team representing these shitfucks beat the greatest collaboration of on-ice talent ever? Well, to those of us who do follow hockey, this was a big deal. For the fewer of us who rock fantasy hockey, it was even better (I, for one, had my two goalies, Martin Brodeur and Ryan Miller, starting opposite each other, with seven Canadian and two American players in action).

Those are Berwyn Besties uniforms.

Even if it’s twice a decade, it’s nice to have the world watching the game that I have been watching for so long. It lends me street cred. Nevermind that it takes international competition to attract the casual observer, whereas I for some reason give a shit about Columbus vs. Calgary; the point is, people are realizing, as they do from time to time, that hockey is motherfucking awesome.

Nothing beats live hockey. Hockey on TV is exciting as hell, which is more than I can say for my other love, baseball. That international Olympic game had about ten Super Bowls’ worth of excitement (back to back to back shooter-on-goalie breakaways? That’s like three interceptions on the same snap; that level of excitement simply does not happen in any other team sport, not even Girl Roller Derby).

I regret to inform you that up until recently, I had never seen Slapshot; I still haven’t seen Mystery, Alaska, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t need hockey romanticized for me. I’ve seen more live hockey in my days than most. I’ve immortalized and idolized players since I was a kid; in our hood, it was roller hockey after school (that’s how I broke my hand), not pick up football or hoops. I even wrote this diatribe when my particular team began to gain popularity again. I could go on and on, and if you get a few drinks in me, I will do exactly that, but you get the point. I FUCKING LOVE HOCKEY.

#3: Mr. Kevin Smith (the filmmaker)


All right, I admit. This whole thing is self promotion. Kevin Smith is in the process of helming a movie about Hockey. Hey, I like hockey. I also dig on acting. You see where this is going?

I haven’t seen Clerks. Or Chasing Amy. If you had a gun to my head and demanded my favorite directors (why the fuck would you do that?), I’d drop Oliver Stone or Richard Linklater. And Kevin Smith, but my passion for acting and hockey does not translate to Mr. Smith. I am however, a fan. Not a fanatic, but a fan, appreciative of his contribution to film and always willing to see his stuff (oh, P.S., I didn’t see Jersey Girl either, but if you haven’t scoped the Cop Out redband trailer, do so. NOW.).  I respect the hell out of him after hearing the story about how he sold off his comic book collection to make Clerks, only to buy it all back eventually because he knew he would be able to someday. In the unmatched summer of 2005, I read four books, one of them being My Boring Ass Life, and I laughed my ass off in the Riverside Golf Club Caddyshack for a few days in June. I have a soft spot for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, because I saw it with my beautiful high school girlfriend Mary; I cracked up in the middle of making out with her because I was still thinking about the Jon Stewart C.L.I.T. part. When I visited Los Angeles in 2006, I stumbled into the Kevin Smith comic book store (don’t remember the real name) in Westwood and felt really fucking cool while in there. I quoted Dogma (inaccurately I would later gather) for my senior quote in my yearbook (St. Ignatius College Prep; Chicago, IL; 2003). When I worked at the Arclight, I saw him once with his daughter and totally geeked the fuck out.

Fifteen fucking dollars for a movie ticket. Best sound in L.A., though.

So I admit I’m not a HUGE Kevin Smith fan, but I like his stuff and I admire his sense of humor, his accessibility to fans and his general overall self. He’s a cool celebrity, evidenced most recently by what I mentioned earlier: He’s making a movie about hockey.

Mr. Smith: I love hockey, and I am an actor. A good one, at that. I also feel like I can portray anyone from any era of the game (as I know you are writing this thing over several epochs of hockey).

1985?

I’m sure you want/need marquee actors for the significant roles in this thing; I know you are writing the lead for Seann William Scott, but I would like to humbly lobby myself for a role, however you deem appropriate, in this movie (it is tentatively titled Hit Somebody, FYI). I’m half decent at ice skating to begin with, and as you can imagine, it would be the highlight of my existence to be an actor in a movie about hockey helmed by you. It is lame to beg over the internet, but at the same time, I couldn’t in good conscience not at least try to get your attention. I appreciate any consideration and the effort it took to read through this thing to get to this point, and I certainly hope we can collaborate. If not, best of luck to your Devils and the near-impenetrable Brodeur. The Blackhawks will crush you in the Finals.

It’s been a while.

Druska

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February 25, 2010

Thursday…because we only need 3 more views to break 2k.

So watch this, comment, and share:

hmmm…if only this was featured up on the website.

~nick

Follow on twitter @GoatimusPrime

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